wait, weight!

one single word meaning so many things.
weight.

i feel fat. i am fat. i look at skinny girls with thighs that don't touch and can cross their legs without any trouble. i think i would kill for that. instead i have thighs that touch. so much, in fact, that they wear holy holes in the area of my pants. embarrassing. and i have to like help my leg to cross the other. because i have humongous calf muscles. because i learned to walk on my tip toes.
sometimes i think that if i only weren't fat, my life would be better.
doesn't this sound like my junior high xanga posts? yeah, it does.

i feel burdened. i am burdened. there are so many things going on around me. and i just sit there and feel so apathetic about big scary things. why? i'm not sure.