the hardest part is letting go of the nights we shared.

hello blogger. i do believe that this is the first heartbreak you've had to endure. usually my xanga takes care of this, but unfortunately, you'll have to hold the fort for me this time.

heartbreak is never easy. it doesn't get easier as you go and you don't get better at dealing with it. maybe i'm not a 'big picture' girl but in the past 24 hours, the things that get me most are the tiny details. the returning of property. i'd have to say - when he gave me back my apples to apples, i seriously wanted to sit right there in front of starbucks and cry. i mean, it's not even a big deal. but i think metaphorically, it meant it's over for real. the presents. this morning, i rolled over rico, a build-a-elephant he gave me. and in its hand, there's a recorded voice message. and i was half awake and fully awakened to his voice. and so i took the elephant and threw it on the ground. and after that, i tossed and turned for an hour before i went back to sleep.

don't call me a monster
but i haven't cried yet. but then again, i haven't had a good cry in a long time. it doesn't mean i'm not sad though. i'm plenty sad. but one thing i've learned from the past, that the world still goes on. no one and nothing ever stops for you, so don't think it will. i'm in no way spiteful or depressed. i think i've accepted that this has to happen and it's better now than later. i'm at peace with myself concerning this whole thing. and i'm actually kinda proud of myself. i'm usually a mess and can't function for days. but i have no room this summer to lose any days for that kind of nonsense. but sure, i'm definitely not happy about it. but what had to be done was done. still, i miss you.

at this point you might be wondering why i'm throwing all these thoughts on here for all the world to see. well, honestly, no one really reads this anyways. and the people that do, matter. so i'm not too worried.

i have more to say. but i'll save it for sometime else, maybe.

thanks for enduring.

yours truly,
christine