"you have to be mean."

so in talking to one of my close friends about why i am always the friend in relationships and how i'm never the girl...
he told me to be mean. not care. be unreliable. be out of touch. but only sometimes. and enough to where he wants to get to know me more. aka - hard to get. and in that process, this guy'll like me?

i'm sorry, boys. i'm just not like that. i will be there for you from the beginning. because i really do care. i'm not going to act like i don't when i really do. i think that's making someone like you for who you really aren't. i would really rather just someone like me for who i am. and sometimes it feels like everyone has their someone and i don't. but i know i'll find that someone sooner or later. this is just not my time, God says.
i sound like such a junior higher :[

anyways. today has been such an interesting day. i am on my occasional music spree and i'm loving it. and i've finally had some spurt of inspiration and i'm going to use it for what it's worth. this has never felt so good. this writing. these words. pure divine inspiration. today was like a tug of war with my soul and something else i can't pinpoint. and instead of dragging me down i felt so alive, just so alive. it's amazing. i haven't felt this in a while. i'm ready for anything. i actually feel like going to a wedding.